July 7th 2005. London Bombings. I was on my way to work. I forgot my mobile phone. I remember thinking to myself I hope nothing happens today. I have no idea why I thought that. I just did. I got to work. It was quite a normal morning. Then we were told there has been a power cut in the underground stations. We didn't think no more of it. Then the news came. The London underground had been bombed and a bus. After 9/11 most people knew it was inevitable that something would happen in the UK. It was just a question of when. I do not think no one ever expected the devastation of the London underground bombings. I had left my phone at home. I knew my family and friends who didn't know if I used the underground would be panicking as they wouldn't be able to get hold of me. I also knew my sister worked in London and would need to get on one of the lines that was blown up as well as her husband. I called my parents, I am OK, please tell everyone not to worry. I asked them if they knew if my sister was OK. Luckily that day was her day off and her husband had to go in later so missed it all. I was relieved they were safe. Over the next few days as the events started to reveal themselves, I saw that the news said Islamist home grown terrorists had set the bombs off. I didn't know what to think. I thought, have I done the right thing? Have I entered a religion where all people do is blow each other up? Have I entered a religion where there is such a deep hatred for the West that they feel they have to blow up innocent victims? I couldn't get my head round it. Why? I thought Islam was a religion of peace. I didn't think it was one that encouraged men to go and blow up innocent civilians. 52 people were killed that day and over 700 injured. How was that possibly justified? I had to speak to my colleagues in Cairo, one being my husband to be and try and understand what was going off. He explained to me, that this is not Islam and this is not the majority of Muslims. Over the years I have done my own research into the bombing and I am not even convinced any more it was home grown terrorists. I think it was an inside job blamed on Islam just as 9/11 was. But that is another story.
After being convinced that this is not Islam, I carried on reading about Islam. I had a million questions, it all was a bit overwhelming and I just didn't know where to start. I got told a very good piece of advice that I would offer any new revert or anyone thinking of reverting. Islam is like a tree. First of all get to know the routes and then you can start with the branches and leaves. When it is put like that it is easier to start to get your head round Islam. So I started with the 5 pillars. My next step was to learn how to pray and try and pray. Bear in mind I knew no Muslims and the only people I was speaking to was a couple of male colleagues in Cairo. It was very hard. As you girls will know, there are certain things that a woman cannot ask a man. Luckily I was put in touch with a wonderful sister, who still one of dearest friend today and we spoke and I asked her a lot and she really helped with my questions. I taught myself to pray from the internet. I had no role model in London and I was far to shy to go to a mosque. I realized that you had to pray at set times. There was no place to pray at work and I was to worried about people's reaction if I told them I was Muslim so I actually used to pray 4 prayers at home once I finished work. I had no idea that this was not the correct way. I just wanted to try and pray.
My first Ramadan came. I was in London. I was alone. So it was tough. I didn't do it for a lot of days and tried to do it some days. It was a very lonely time for me. Again I questioned myself, have I done the right thing? Luckily my husband to be was on hand to support me once again and guided me. But it was very difficult to be alone and try and do everything I was supposed to do without any proper guidance.
I still hadn't told my family I was a Muslim. I knew my parent's reaction was not going to be a good one. So I kept putting it off and thinking of a way to get round it. My husband to be came to me to propose. My parents weren't best pleased and my sister told them if she marries a Muslim he will make oppress her. He will make her walk behind him in the street. He will hit her if she doesn't do as she is told etc... I have no idea where my sister got these ideas from but it scared my parents and it took a lot to convince them that that was not going to happen. Eventually they came round and they came to Egypt for our wedding. My sister stopped speaking to me for about 5 months because of the marriage. She refused to come. This hurt me a great deal and it made me delay telling them I was a Muslim.
Once married my husband was able to answer a lot more questions I had. I was still alone though. I wasn't working and I didn't know anyone. How was I supposed to make friends, get to know the right people and try and be a good Muslim? It was a very difficult time.
I remember once I was praying in the mosque. This was a time when I still wore clothes that weren't really appropriate. A bit tight and tops a bit short, not covering properly. Anyway, I was praying in the mosque and my top must have rode up and my back was showing. After I finished praying a woman was screaming and shouting for all to hear that what I did was haram! Bear in mind that the men's part was downstairs and there was just a balcony separating. It was not two separate rooms. I was so shocked and humiliated. I rushed out the mosque and once on the street was in tears. My husband asked me what was wrong so I told him a lady was so rude to me shouting. He explained firstly my clothes have to be a bit longer as it shouldn't be that my back was showing but as I didn't know this at this point he told me not to worry too much and try and change it for the better. Secondly, whenever a Muslim sees another Muslim do anything that is not correct, they should speak to them in a quiet manner and away from people so that they are not belittled. He said what this woman did was wrong and it is not how our Prophet Mohamed (PBUH) said we should conduct ourselves. Thank God for my husband, because that would have really put me off going into mosques again and of course made me question what am I doing? Luckily he was on hand to explain and ease my mind.
The biggest trial for me at this time was a lady who asked me to help with her English. I was helping her and I enjoyed it. She was a good person. However, she made one of the biggest errors that anyone can make to a revert. She told me that my family would go to Hell because they are not Muslim. Now, when you are so close to your family and you have made a decision to revert to Islam and you know they have not and probably will not, you do not want to hear that they are going to Hell. This is not a very nice thing to tell anyone. I was very upset. I was very shocked as well. How come ALLAH can send good people to Hell simply because they are not Muslim? How come ALLAH doesn't make everyone Muslim then, if that is the case? I read in Qu'ran and I tried to see if this is what it really means. I came across several lines that said if the people of the scriptures do righteous deed they shall have their reward. I asked my husband because I was very upset over this. I told if this is the case then I don't want to be a Muslim because I thought ALLAH was fair despite what religion you are. He made it simple for me yet again 1) There are people in this world who will not have the message of Islam delivered to them and they will live their lives in ignorance. Will ALLAH punish them? No because they simply did not know about Islam. 2) No one has the right to judge another about where he/she is going when they die. Only ALLAH knows and only ALLAH can judge and that is universal on all believers. By believers, that is those who follow the scriptures. So, no one has the right to say anyone is going to Paradise or Hell because they simply do not know. This eased my mind a lot. I do not want to be told my family will go to Hell. It is no ones place to say that. And if any of you sisters want to talk to a new revert or someone interested in reverting do not discuss this idea with them in this way. It can put them off Islam for good and it is not the best way to discuss the topic. In stead one should say that it is our duty to spread dawah. Not to say your family will go to Hell because they are not Muslim. This is a very horrendous thing to say to anyone.
These were my biggest tests in my first two years and the last one in particular nearly made me change my mind and revert back to my old life. You have to understand that there is a proper way of talking to reverts. This was is not one. It can scare them, it can make them wonder what they have done and what have they entered. When you talk to new reverts you have to be gentle. You have to bear in mind the big, massive steps they have taken to change their lives and that their families are still very important to them and more than likely do not understand the path they have chosen. But this does not give you the right to slate their families and make them feel bad. So one piece of advice here is always be careful with your wording and what you say. It can really make an impact on a reverts life, whether it be a good impact or a bad one.
I hope this has enlightened some of you into knowing how to deal with a new revert or someone interested in Islam and helps you to understand just how enormous and life changing this decision is. And just how difficult it can be especially when one is alone to deal with it all.
Next time I will speak about my decision to wear Hijab and why I found it so important early on.
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