To help you to guide her, Sandie and I have compiled a list of 10 easy but useful steps of do's and don'ts to help a new Muslim adjust to life in Islam.
1) Don't be the haram police. In Islam their are topics that scholars agree 100% on, which are haram or halal. However, there are some that are in the grey area, which divide scholars. Some say it is OK others say it is not. It is not your duty to tell a new sister that one of these topics is haram. It is your duty to advise both opinions so that she can make her own mind up by following her heart. You can kindly point out the one you personally choose and say why but do not enforce it on her. If she feels that everything is haram she may revert back.
2) Don't tell a new Muslim her family will go to Hell. This will scare people away and it is almost confirming what the West want the Westerners to believe, which is Islam has no mercy for anyone other than Muslims. We know this is not true. The people of the scriptures, Jewish, Christians and Sabians will be rewarded for their good deeds and it is not up to you what that reward is. If you tell a new Muslim her family will go to Hell, you are creating a barrier, you will scare her and on top of that you will upset her deeply. Don't forget she will still have a very strong attachment to her family as she should have. Anyone who is going to speak bad of them will not be seen in the best of light. Plus you would not like it if someone told you that your family will go to Hell. The truth of the matter is no one knows where anyone is going only ALLAH. What you must do is explain, with delicacy and care the importance of dawah.
3) Don't say "MashALLAH, MashALLAH you are a new Muslim, I love new Muslims" and then leave her alone or expect her to know everything about Islam because she has converted. As much as it would be lovely to have all the knowledge absorbed into us as soon as we say our shahadah, we don't. There are subjects new Muslims will not understand and will need explanation. Do not expect that they will just accept it as well, there maybe some debate. You have to understand that she is coming from another world, where some topics are seen as "strange" or a no-go area so she will need to have a good explanation and probably several debates after that because she will not necessarily accept things the first time she hears it. Just like a born Muslim, many ideas will take time to accept and will often be rejected at first so have patience and understanding.
4) If a new Muslim comes to you with a question you have no clue about or very limited information on, don't offer her the wrong information or say I don't know and that is that. Guide her to the right person with the correct information. Often new Muslims can be confused with what they are told, as can born Muslims, so it is essential that the correct information is passed on to her.
5) Be friendly and understanding. You need to understand that reverts no longer fit in their old lives and may struggle to fit in their new life so they need guidance, love and support.
6) Practice what you preach. Don't tell a new Muslim she should be doing something and then you don't do it yourself. It sends out the wrong message.
7) Find out if there are good lessons in English and suggest you go along together. Lessons are a very good way to understand and learn more about Islam. Of course you can also suggest some on youtube she can watch as well. I recommend Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan, if you want a reference. His lessons are fantastic. They reach out to those who are not fully aware of a topic and he doesn't over complicate things. He also adds humour and he has a great understanding of what people need and want. Imam Shuaib Webb is also good because his lessons are aimed at young people and he is also a revert himself so the way he explains things will really help.
8) Suggest some good books she can read for self-study. I was given a pile of books when I came to Egypt on Islam, the concepts of Islam and the biography of Prophet Mohamed (PBUH). Be prepared for questions and if you are not sure then guide her to the correct source who can help.
9) Don't always talk about religion. Make a new Muslim feel accepted by inviting her for dinner or for a day out shopping or anything. Islam is a way of life. You don't have to be constantly talking about religion but when you are out in the street, she will see how you conduct yourself and she will begin to follow. She will need a break from learning and understanding and need some fun. The best way is to organize a girlie get together and have some fun.
10) The most important advice to give is this: Islam is like a tree, first be sure of the roots and then start with the branches and the leaves. There is no point in debating whether a woman should wear niqab or not, whether music is haram or halal, whether one can have a dog as a pet etc.... because they are not essential to the main roots of Islam. She needs to first understand the roots, then the rest can be dealt with. She doesn't need to be involved in a debate about a pet dog for example when it is not essential to understanding Islam and it's principles. It will confuse her and may actually scare her off. There was a story of two young people in America who were interested in Islam, they went to talk to someone about Islam and were on the verge of accepting Islam. The topic of a pet dog came up, the Muslim started to become a bit aggressive and shout it is haram to have a dog. The couple decided not to revert. The way you conduct yourself when speaking to new reverts or people thinking about Islam
These points are things that we have had first hand experience in as new Muslims. We know and understand how hard it can be to talk to new Muslims but these 10 steps are aimed to making it a bit easier inshALLAH.
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